Somehow along this 
road of life I came to think that it was built just for me. And because it was just for me then it was mine to complain about. When there were bumps and turns that I didn't approve, I had every right to go back to the engineers and complain, I would even try to get it "fixed!This past week my complaints have been rejected on the grounds that THIS IS NOT MY ROAD AND I CANNOT, nor should I want to CHANGE IT! I had one of those weeks were you start to see what is ahead and you don't want to go there. I just didn't! The road ahead, ministry in Africa is really scary and tough. I mean, why would I want to do this, to go somewhere I don't speak the language, alone and unable to control it all. My upcoming birthday may have helped my mood but nevertheless I didn't want to be "called" anymore. I mean, these pastors who desperately want
what God just gave me here - studying His word, they can get it from someone else. I want showers, I want my friends and family, I want what I think everyone else has ... hmmm but what is that?!?I had one of the hardest days of my life as I began to try to walk the road. There have been a few steps so far, applying for Titus, buying the plane ticket, telling people ... but there is so much more that needs to happen. I began the daunting process of involving other people. God was really clear about sharing this ministry time with my friends and family. That involves asking friends to pray for me consistently and also to be part of this with their finances. You would think someone like me who loves to talk would be fine ... NOPE! I chocked.
After the first "No, I can't be part of this with financial support" I cracked. All of my trust and hope for what God had said to do drained out of me. I began to question everything ... EVERYTHING. I told God all day that this was too much and He got the wrong Aussie girl. But He just wouldn't let up. This is where He wants me and though I could walk away ... He has made it so clear that this is where He wants me that nothing, not even the comfort I would love to be in with financial freedom, would satisfy me now. This is what I am called to do, I can walk away but what then. So I pushed through...
This is not just some short deal, God is calling me, like you to be His answer to the prayers of the others. It is hard and humbling to be completely dependent on God and others to be able to do this but He is faithful. Today He reminded me that He is faithful. Though I may seem broke, I am rich with Him and all that He brings. I was so encouraged. I check my mail box, which never has anything in it and there was MY FIRST SUPPORT CHEQUE! I can't tell you what that meant. I am so humbled by all this ... so humbled. God just keeps doing things to remind me He is the one who is faithful and fair. All I have to do is say yes. So today, again I say YES!!
